Kana gung out of the blue mutext imong pinaka weird na friend na naimpluwensyahan ka sa iyang ka adik sa penguin na musturya ra ug iyaha tapos pag pangutan-on nimo iyang tubag always kay… WALA. Sabay ngisi. Hahaha! Ü
Done reading John Green’s TFIOS and David Levithan’s Everyday. Time to read their collab. Lol, thanks for lending me this @paogrumo xx
I have been thinking about him these past few days. Last week, we were okay and less than awkward. He even called my name when he was halfway on the street and I was on the sidewalk. He called me by my first name and my last name the last time we texted each other. But then, I tried to text him again before and after his game last Saturday and all I get was nothing. I know, I understand. I will never be a priority since he’s not mine to keep in the first place. I was just some random girl who likes the popular guy.
I stalked him 2 days ago and I found out that the way he’s treating me is the same as those random girls who admires him (obvs) from a far. Being kind is an understatement. He was paying respect. Trying to protect an image maybe? I was too blind to know. I have learned to love his friends over the months and their company makes me happy too. But, because of what they say towards others I’m starting to doubt if they were true to me or they are just trying to protect once again, their image. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not judging them. I’m just trying to figure out things. And from there, I told myself there is really no point. I stopped expecting but somewhere at the back of my mind, I’m hoping.
But then again, last night. He was in my dream. It felt so fucking real I actually wished it would never end.
It went like this: it was after school, I was on my way home with my straight gay bff, Pao, and his friends were in his car, trying to tell me something like convincing me to be with them. I said yes since I think it’ll be fun. Pao went with me too. It was prolly 6 or 7 in the evening and we arrived at a resto. It was full of Christmas lights and polaroid pictures. More like the ‘Story of My Life’ MV by One Direction ambiance. It amused me. He dragged me and Pao followed since we are about to order food. I chose what I want and then without any doubt, he paid for everything. Then he took me back to the table where his friends are then he was gone. His parents arrived. I didn’t know what to do. His parents were asking me questions. It wasn’t that awkward. But I was awkward. I always am. Then later on a received texts from him. Telling me he should’ve done this before… that he liked me too… that he should’ve told me before I told him what I really felt… that he’s sorry. And then his friends blind folded me and took me somewhere. Then I don’t know where it was but it was like a vacant studio with petals all over the ground. He was waiting in the middle of the light, and then I realized my friends were there, too. They were all around us. Then he told me he loved me and I told him I love him too but I want him to prove everything to me.. then I. WOKE. UP.
I woke up feeling down and depressed. I woke up and it feels like reality slapped me at the same time saying, hello dear, welcome to the real world. The last part of the dream was me trying to tell him to prove his love for me and boom! This is it. He can never prove that to me because it wasn’t real. It was just a dream. This is the proof. I should stop hoping for anything else. I feel like my heart stopped and I don’t know how to cope with what I just dreamed. And it sucks. I badly want to cry but something’s holding me back too. I got up, drank water then went back to my bed. It was 4:45am for God’s sake. It was all I ever wanted but it was more of a nightmare.
I went back to sleep. I prayed. I want to be okay. I don’t want to imagine it again because there is a 90% chance that I will be lucid dreaming. And I’ve had enough of it so I want it to stop.
I woke up again. Reached for my phone and I found out it was almost 9am and I was supposed to be in school at 8. I don’t even feel like going because I have 10-12noon class in PE and how am I going to enjoy the games if my body and my emotions wont cooperate. I just felt too down. I can’t even get up. I was hungry but I don’t want to eat. I needed to pee but I’m too tired to go to the CR. What the actual fuck.
Sometimes, I get back to reality when someone would do the hashtag real talk to me and bitch slap me. But this time, no one told me anything. Reality did it, itself (lol). And that really hurts. Words will never be enough to describe how much it pains my chest.
But life has to go on. It’s December. It’s my favorite month. It’s my birthday month. I will be happy. I have to. I know I deserve to. I’ll go back to my hometown later and I will find comfort there. I have to. I really need to.
Okay CL1 pako i know i know bye
I missed you huhuhuhu
Omg hahaha cant wait for the new ep!!!
She’s in Hongkong im crying :-( and she noticed my crap edit ilysm
Haha oops I care about you
Kauban ra ni sa “Kim, may pad ka?” “Sure.” Loljk, love gihapon tka Nina. Hahaha <3